Never Hire This Guy to Do Your Yard Work

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Three things I hate to do: ironing, painting, and weeding. Ironing: solved. I buy wrinkle-free no fuss clothes.

Painting: taken care of. My husband loves to do it and agrees that I should stay away from a paint brush.  My hatred for the task is blatant. I leave unsightly drip marks, missed spots, and I ruin brushes by dipping them too far in the paint can.  He’s fired me from painting and it’s fine with me.  I thank Shel Silverstein for his help in getting me out of that chore.

If you have to dry the dishes 
(Such an awful boring chore)
If you have to dry the dishes
(‘Stead of going to the store)
If you have to dry the dishes
And you drop one on the floor
Maybe they won’t let you
Dry the dishes anymore

I got out of weeding for a long while because my mom liked to do it.  Pull this, whack that, trim here, get every green thing out till all that is left is thinned out perennials and black dirt. She considered weeding an extreme sport and went off the deep end with what should be plucked and what should not.  We had no choice but to let her go as chief gardener.  We’ve given her sock sorting instead.  It’s ok that I have to do them over after she leaves.  Sorting for a ten feet family can be tricky.

Weeding is now my headache.  Either I suck it up and do it, or I allow the vegetation to creep over my beautiful stone pathways,

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crawl up my siding, and choke to death my lilies, roses, and various other flowers the owners before me lovingly planted and nurtured.

Ribbet collage

My yard is too big for me to handle, so I hired this guy. He said he’d work for chicken.

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Huge mistake. This is his idea of pulling up weeds:

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He gets an A for enthusiasm, stamina, and he’s freakin’ adorable, but his technique was slipshod, messy. All I asked was for a little help pulling up some weeds, and he goes berserker on me. Dirt flying willy nilly, ripping through roots with his teeth, digging down deep all while making this high pitched ear piercing sound.

BERSERKER MODE
BERSERKER MODE

I’ve learned my lesson.  If you want a job done right, don’t hire your mom or your dog. Hire a professional.

After receiving his chicken wages and a long overdue bath, he settles in for a well earned nap. Take another look at my first picture. Can you spy Frodo doing his “yard” work?

P1150011How about you, have you regretted hiring a non-professional?  I’d love to hear about it in the comments….

Published by

Kathy

I've been a Family Nurse Practitioner since 1991. My most memorable patient was Meinhardt Raabe, the Munchkin Coroner from the Wizard of Oz. I now practice in Addiction Medicine and recently published Hepatitis C Quick Start: A guide for the clinician.

8 thoughts on “Never Hire This Guy to Do Your Yard Work”

  1. I have hired out of pity and it never works out. I have hired blindly because of a good sales pitch. Learned my lesson.

    Honestly when I started to read the article I thought you were going to warn me about a bad business. I was relieved to see that all you really lost was a bit of chicken :)

  2. Cynthia thank you for sharing your not so good business exchanges. I too have been sold from a smooth pitch. At least we grow wiser from these experiences. I read a quote today that goes along with this post: If you think hiring a professional is expensive, wait till you see what an amateur will cost you! Thanks for commenting!

    1. Eve, I am always happy to make your morning! I’m sure I will have lots more funny stories to share when you get back from vacation. Live long with laughter, and don’t forget the coffee :)

    1. Thank you Cherilynn! I love writing, I love laughing, and there is nothing better than to spread the fun. I appreciate your comment…cheers!

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